Today was a rough day, actually, it's been a rough few weeks. I feel like I'm hanging on by a thread...
Not that I've thought about this all too often, but I do have several questions I'd like to ask God. And today, a new question came to mind, and it has taken priority at the top of my list...a visit to Elmo Live at the VBC brought all of this about...
I really wanted to make this experience with Lucy as wonderful as possible, so I thought ahead and scheduled Jack to go to mom's morning out so it could be a special time for just lucy and me. Lucy does fine during the show. She enjoyed it, for sure, but there were plenty of times that she was super fidgety, and on occasion she turned her back to the show and snuggled against my chest and sucked her thumb. (Which answered my question about whether or not Lucy was really old enough for this kind of thing...) :-)
So during the show, I observe the following things:
1) parents CONSTANTLY having to get up out of their seats to take a screaming, wailing, thrashing about child out of the arena (what do you do if you have more than one kid with you?!?)
2) one father was sitting down on the cement ground hanging on for dear life to his sons' backs of their shirts while they continuously lurched forward over and over again, trying to get away from Dad. He looked miserable.
4) there was a large daycare group behind us in our seats, where one adult was having to literally pin down one of the children ON HER LAP who, for whatever reason, was very unhappy about being there. This poor teacher was basically being attacked by a four-year old, and she just had to deal with it.
5) even my friend Tiffany, Audrey's mom, who went with us, found herself reluctantly leaving the show mere minutes after it had begun because her young baby was having a tough time nursing amidst all the noise and commotion. Fortunately, her husband Matt had taken time off from work to come to the show, so Audrey got to stay and watch...
6) and the woman in front of us scolded her obnoxious son Jackson, no fewer than 50 times, all the while buying him every balloon, light concoction, food treat, and t-shirt the production was selling! (Now, that lady was just plain dumb in my opinion, but whatever...I feel her pain...I would have been tempted to buy the world for my child at times if I thought it MIGHT improve their behavior.)
I looked around and wondered, "Are ANY parents in this whole arena actually ENJOYING this experience?" When the show was over, Matt and I were gathering the girls' things and he turned to me and said, "Well, that was...stressful." Yes, exactly, it was, wasn't it...that was no fun at all!
So, this all brings me to my question for God: why does it have to be so darn HARD having a young child?
My point is...regardless of whether your child is well-behaved or a terror, whether you plan ahead or not, it seems fair to say there is just no way around it...it's just difficult!!!!! WHY DOES IT HAVE TO BE THIS WAY?!? I mean, when it's good with your kids, IT'S SO GOOD! but when it's not, it's just heartbreaking and day-ruining all too often...
I was venting to Jason this evening and I asked him this very same question, and his reply made me take a step back...he said, God didn't make it this way...We've made it this way...think about how it was back in Jesus' time...parents weren't dragging their toddlers to Elmo Live, stressing over at what exact age a child is at the prime time for potty training, (and then crying to their pediatrician on the phone when things don't go the way you plan it--oh wait, that was just me :-) managing a million events, cramming them all into daylight hours...
then he joked and said, "I mean, come on, Jesus didn't even have children-what does that tell you? And God only had one!" That made me laugh! :-)
All joking aside, he really does have a point. And it's not like I'm not aware of how over scheduled our kids are these days...I taught for five years; I got plenty of notes from parents saying, "Please excuse Susie from her test today, for her basketball practice ran very late last night and we just didn't get around to studying for the test today..."I truly make a conscious effort to keep things low key, not cram too much into one day, etc. But still, most days I find myself just exhausted...
I just want...I just want, you know, those good days to happen more often than the frustrating days, and lately, that's just NOT how it is...and that makes me so sad, and I don't really know what to do about it...I don't know what I need to change...my perspective? my actions? I'm at a loss.
And to top it all off, the nurse at the pediatrician's office told me AGAIN that based on our experiences with Lucy in the last few days, we should go back to diapers, that Lucy just doesn't seem ready. UGH! (By the way...it was 4pm today before she let any pee or poop come out of her body, accident or in the potty! 4pm!!!!!!!! Holding it ALL FREAKIN' DAY! And when she does let it all out, it's on the babysitter while I'm tutoring.) But I've told Lucy, "We're NOT going back to diapers! And all the literature says, whatever you do, once you've started, DON'T go back to diapers...
To steal a line from my friend, Ashley, "Oh my soul!!!!!"
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Okay, I am glad I was quoted in this post :-)
ReplyDeleteAs for why parenting is so hard. Two thoughts (from this VERY first time mom w/ a baby and yet to be seen "hard" days):
1. Sin. Before the Fall, all was perfect; parenting would have been a cinch. However, we are all sinners, including Miss Lucy. Yes, she was born into the world as a sinner, and no matter what you do, she still has that nature. And, it's gonna make things hard for you. Remember that you are a sinner, too. Remember that just as God has loves you even when you disobey Him, you are also called to do the same for Lucy. Even on those BAAAAAD days.
2. I agree with Jason. We as a society are raising children to think that they have to be entertained constantly. And, if they aren't being entertained or "happy," they throw fits. They don't know how to appreciate anything. I have several friends who (at Lucy's age) are now bringing their toddlers into worship with them for this very reason - to teach them that there is a time and a place to sit very still and quiet. Without ANY entertaining!
Adam and I are thinking of ways that we can implement these type things w/ our children - i.e. not playing DVDs for them in the car on trips (what did OUR parents do for us when we were on long trips??? Engage us! Games, Talking, etc.!), little or no TV at home, not scheduling a billion activities (not doing 1000 sports, dance classes, blah blah blah).
**All this is easy for me to say right now since I am not in your situation - but, I am sharing w/ you what I would like to see happen :-)
3. I think you are doing a great job as a mom! You research, you play, you try new things, and you have patience :-) All you can do is to continue to be "on your knees" for your children, praying that the Lord would work in their hearts (to know Him) and also to give you what you need to raise a godly child. Seriously, there is nothing that YOU can do - these are God's children who you are raising for a time. Remember that.
Thinking of you!
Oh, Kelly... I'm so sorry that you're feeling discouraged lately. I can only imagine the difficulties that come along with children at this age. But, while it feels like more of a struggle at times it's obvious you're a good mom and apparent that you're doing all the right things for your kids. Here's to hoping that you things take a turn for the better in the near future...
ReplyDeletethanks for the encouraging words ladies! Ashley, I knew you'd have some wonderful pointers to keep in mind, thanks. And give yourself credit that's due, you've certainly had "hard" days, and you've made it through and done a great job so far! Look at how well you worked with Kate's issues with not wanting to sleep! She's a super sleeper now! Good job!
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